all over again -

& i hate myself for placing heart into such a situation ; i could have avoided this . if i didnt let the walls fall -
i could have kept them up .
but i didnt , kept telling myself i could handle it '
and i nearly believed it . i kept myself on my own two feet -
i could even pretend what was happening , what was so obviously clearly displayed before me , wasnt bothering me -
i was able to set it all aside and stand tall .
but with one blow -
not only are my walls down , but i cant stand up anymore ,
- no one understands
& even if they did , they cant pull me back up -

im done with pretending , ive done it all from the begininng and it hasnt taken me anywhere high , all its done is send me to my feet -
im sick of not loving fully - scared i'll get hurt .
im sick of smiling for a audience who dosent appreciate how much its hurts to keep the act alive -
im sick of pretending , lying and making out for the sake of it .
truth is , i dont know who i am .
i may seem so secure -
but really im not , im the complete opposite -
they all say the same .
keep your head high and laugh it off -

god ive tried that all my life .
it just isnt working .